Monday, 28 June 2010

Broken dreams


There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

Proverbs 23:18







For the past five years I have had five goals

1. To be a wife
2. To be a mother to many children
3. To home school my children and in the process make passionate soldiers for Christ
4. To create a lovely home

Over the past year I have watched as all of these dreams has been smashed one by one. The last one to be broken is my house. I have put a lot of effort into this house to make it a home. I've planted tulips and daffodils along the borders, spent hours creating a massive vegetable garden. carefully chosen art from thrift shops to complement the walls and of course decorated it with various pieces of crystal, vintage linens and other beautiful ornaments. But after years of living here the Landlord is raising the rent to a huge amount and I have to leave, the only problem is that every place to rent in this Suburb is really expensive. But I need to stay here, my Mother needs taking care of and my part time job is local plus the school that I have enrolled Aviva in for next year is here (as it's the only Christian school for the next 30 kilometres).

My only option left is to apply for Government housing. You can not imagine how I do not want to do this. I cannot believe that as a university educated woman, I have to go and live with my precious daughter in the same area as gang members and Drug dealers (I know that these are not the only kinds of people living in this area but they certainly frequent a lot more than in other parts of society as wherever there is poverty, crime flourishes)
I cannot live at home as my mother thinks I am brainwashing my daughter (she thinks anyone who chooses to stay at home with their child is either stupid or lazy, me included)
I cannot understand how my life has sunk this low, after years of faithful service to Jesus I now have to face all of my dreams in a mangled, broken pile.

But God is a faithful God and he has not forgotten me or my dreams.

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose'.

Romans 8:28

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11


You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
Job 11:18

You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.

Psalms 119:114

And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:70


But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

Psalms 71:14

But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.
Micah 7:7



Our God is not a God of disbelief he indeed is a God of Hope and Promise. My dreams may not be here today but that doesn't mean they are gone forever. God knows my heart and I truly believe that this time of trials is no enable me to one day help others going through similar things. He will be everything alright in the end, and I also firmly believe I have bigger and better things awaiting me, he can take those dreams and turn them into something more amazing than I ever hoped for.


May God take your own pile of ashes and change them into something beautiful.

3 comments:

~da tigger~ said...

Sending you huge huge hugs Bonnie hon!! My heart goes out to you during this time, but I know you'll get through it. You're a strong, wonderful woman and mother.. I'm sure there are better, happier times for you just around the corner. Yes, living in government housing sucks big time (been there several times myself), but at least with an affordable roof over your head, you won't have the stress of trying to just afford the rent to worry about, which means you can focus on the more important things. Spending time with Aviva, looking after yourself, etc. You can still have a lovely home on the inside, and my fingers are tightly crossed for you that you end up in one of the nicer areas. Not all housing NZ houses are in drug infested areas. :-)
*huge hugs again* Just remember... what doesn't break you, will only make you stronger. ;-)

~da tigger~ said...

Oh.. and I fully understand how things are with your Mum not supporting the living at home and homeschooling side of things. My mum is EXACTLY the same. She makes it very clear that she thinks I'm a failure because I'm at home, not working a "proper" job.. and homeschooling is apparently a crazy idea that will lead to me ruining my boys. But you and I both know this is the best decision for us.. so don't let her get to you. *hugs*

java girl said...

Bonnie,

I am praying that your housing all works out! I know that is a hard issue!

Smiles,

Ashley DeLen

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