That's all very well but....

I was thinking today that It's all very well to say I'm going to act more cheerful and have joy in my heart but well actually doing it is another thing altogether.

Today I text my husband and of course there was no reply and I could feel my heart sinking, I then started to get quite irritated with my daughter over things that wouldn't normally bother me.

So when we got home I decided to come up with a list (because I'm quite a practical person) of things I could do instead of feeling hurt and depressed when my circumstances get the better of me. I'm sorry if some of them are a little silly!

1.) Put on very happy and uplifting music and dance around the living room with my daughter :) preferably using hairbrushes as a microphone and as a bonus wearing pyjamas adds to the atmosphere too ;)

2.) Painting my toenails a very pretty colour, in my case today a bright pink that makes me smile every time I see it.

3.) Popping popcorn with my daughter and then watching a DVD under one of my fluffy blankets. The movie HAS to have a happy ending!

4.) Having a long bubble bath, listening to uplifting christian music and reading a wonderful book.

5.) Having cocoa and cookies straight from the oven, a book also adds to this :)

6.) Taking a basket with afternoon tea in it and going to the local park to have a mini picnic in the sun. Reading psalms while my daughter plays.

7.) Listening to Barlow girl, In particular 'You led me'

Good Morning the night is over and gone
I thought once this dark would last for so

Feel the sunlight on my face
You have brought me through this place

Jesus, Jesus You found me
Through the long night you led me
You set me free

Do you see just what You've done in my life?
You gave me more than I hoped for now I


Anyone feel like adding to the list?

Shrove Tuesday

We had a wonderful night tonight attending Shrove Tuesday at our church.

Shrove Tuesday is the last day before Lent and is traditionally when people would want to use up their eggs, butter and milk. I don't know many people these days who would give up these 'necessities' ;)

At our church we had an indoor picnic followed by pancake races (lots of fun) and then eating pancakes for dessert. I didn't have any because they smell made me queasy however it was so much fun! I wish I had remembered my camera because the pancake races were certainly very memorable :)

It was also good for me to go and put some make-up and a nice dress on. I guess lately I have been letting my circumstances rob me of any joy I had. However although pain is inevitable, misery is a choice. And I can choose to lie on the couch and feel sorry for myself or I can choose to be joyful. I'm not saying that It will be easy (at all) but in the end no matter what happens If I still can have a cheerful heart then it will be witness to others that Jesus truly does reside in my heart.

So I will choose joy, although I may not always feel like it I will continue to sing songs of praise for the Lord, keep a smile on my face and know inside myself that if I have God then I have everything.

I keep reminding myself that a rainbow often appears after a heavy storm!

Don't tell me that's not a baby!

Since both the news of my pregnancy and the fact that my darling husband has left has come out, I have had a few people ask me 'What are you going to do?'. Someone very close to me suggested even that I not go through with it. As if that would even be an option I entertained for even a second.

The thought that someone could even suggest it makes me sick, what is worse is that so many people even see it as a viable option. I was talking to a non christian lady recently and she told me her son's girlfriend had recently undergone a termination because they 'didn't want to ruin their lives'. I wondered if she thought of the fact that this girl would have to spend every day for the rest of her life knowing she killed her unborn child. She would never, ever forget her baby and my guess is that in years to come she would bitterly regret her decision. Is that not a surer way to ruin your life?

When I was a teenager a friend of mine got pregnant unexpectedly, to someone she had only known for one night. She asked me to go with her to the school counsellor to get advice. His advice was that really a termination was the only option she had.She was told if she was to raise the baby then her life would be destroyed for ever. He never mentioned the possibility of adoption once. She went on to have a termination and when I saw her years later she admitted she had gone on to have two more.

A friend emailed me this the other day and I wanted to share it here.

The Wise Doctor A worried woman went to her gynecologist and said: 'Doctor, I have a serious problem and desperately need your help! My baby is not even 1 yr. old and I'm pregnant again. I don't want kids so close together.'

So the doctor said: 'OK, and what do you want me to do?' She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request.

Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care of 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms. This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms. The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! 'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.

The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb. The crime is the same!

The truth seems so obvious doesn't it? But so many women are swallowing the lies!

"It's just tissue, not a baby"
"It's not a baby until the heart is beating"
" Having this abortion will save your relationship from the stress of an unwanted baby"
" Abortions help reduce child abuse from women who are unfit to raise them

I thought I would replace it with some truths

Abortion has done nothing to reduce child abuse. Actually child abuse increased over 1000% from 1973, the year abortion was legalized throughout the United States, to 1986.

Researcher Emily Milling studied over 400 couples with women who had made a decision to have an abortion. Her research confirmed that 70% of their relationships ended within one month of the abortion. Sociologist Arthur Shostak found that three out of four male respondents had persistent day and night dreams about "the child that never was." And Linda Bird Franke has written "In my research, almost every relationship between single people broke up either before or after the abortion."

The California Medical Association referred to "the scientific fact, which everyone really knows, that human life begins at fertilization and is continuous whether intra- or extra-uterine until death.


Dr. Anne Speckhard, in a 1985 University of Minnesota study, researched "long-term manifestations of abortion" (5-10 years), and found that 81% of mothers reported preoccupation with their aborted child, 54% had nightmares, 35% had perceived visitations with their child, and 96% felt their abortion had taken a human life.



For you created my inmost being;you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

The peace only God can bring

I have started to panic lately about money, although I have always been careful with money now I am going to have to be incredibly frugal. but in the midst of all my worrying I forgot one thing, God has always provided for me no matter how dire the circumstances.

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

This morning I headed down to our local farmers market to stock up on fruit and vegetables, I didn't have very much money but was able to buy almost double of what I expected with half the money I have (the excess will go into the freezer). I am so blessed.

I feel so caught up with thinking about what I don't have and how miserable my morning sickness is making me feel that I forget how much the Lord has supplied me with. And it's not just this morning at the market. It's every time I open my eyes and look around. Even though it's still early days I don't feel hysterical at the thought of going through the rest of my pregnancy alone.I certainly still feel alone and hurt and just down right devastated and I am still holding out for healing of my husband and restoration of our marriage but even if that didn't happen as long as I hold onto Gods hand then I am going to be alright. This is the peace that only God alone can bring.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27

Tomorrow I have to face the music so to speak at Church-It is obvious I am pregnant now-I cannot go for half an hour without feeling very nauseous and I look pale and not myself at all. When people ask me where my Husband is I cannot lie to them.I know that I shouldn't feel ashamed so why do I?

Faith in very,very hard times

My beloved husband has recently decided at the news of my pregnancy that he would rather not be married to me anymore.My husband has suffered from mental illness for some time now but to put it lightly I feel like going to bed and staying there for a long time.

I know that God is here and that he is what is keeping me going through it all. People know I prayed a very long time for this pregnancy and my husband and I tried for over a year. I guess not many people wouldn't blog about my particular situation but I want to prove that God is there in every, single situation. And no matter how hopeless or distraught you may feel that God is still there in the midst of it. I know that without Jesus in my heart then I could not get through this.

I have joined Covenant keepers and I am still remaining hopeful. Our God is a God of miracles, nothing is too much for him.

I am still confident of this
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord,
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:13,14

Natural cleaners

I used to be one of the biggest consumers of chemical cleaners. A few years ago my shopping trolley would consist of glass cleaners, floor cleaner and bathroom cleaners-anyway you get the picture. Last year I came to realize that the only one who profited from these chemical cleaners were the manufacturers and they were laughing- all the way to the bank! Meanwhile I was literally pouring money down the sink. And on top of that was exposing my precious family to chemicals that I couldn't even pronounce the name of.

I must admit I am somewhat of a novice when it comes to natural cleaners. My first information came from reading a post on Rhonda Jean's blog 'Down to earth'. This post has pretty much every recipe you could ever want for a cleaner.My Other inspiration comes from a book I found at a thrift shop 'For Goodness sake!' by Merren Parker. This book has everything from how to make your own yeast,to eliminating household pests to making your own cosmetics. I have found it invaluable.

I was amazed at how well white vinegar cleans! from my floors to my silver, I have never had my house so clean! I used to spend five dollars on floor cleaner a month now I would spend that same amount on white vinegar in six months, and I know that it is not harming my family.

My little project over the weekend has been to make up lavender bags whilst it is not a cleaner it is still so lovely to open a drawer and have all my clothes smelling sweetly of lavender.

Lavender bags

Lavender flowers (dried), 1 cup

Thyme and mint (dried) 1/2 cup of each

1 tsp cloves

1 tsp nutmeg

1 tsp cinnamon

3 tsp orris root (optional)

Mix well together and sew into bags. This mixture deters moths and smells lovely.

Is it still summer?

The rain is still coming down for the third day in a row. My tomatoes remain unripened on the vine due to lack of sun, the washing drips forlornly on the line and whole world seems to have turned a shade of grey.

But inside is a different story! To shake off my dreary mood we are playing colourful Portuguese music and knitting beautiful, bright scarfs in preparation for winter. Black bean chili is bubbling away on the stove for dinner tonight and the smell of corn bread wafts through the house. Aviva has now retreated to the living room to work on her maths but still the festive spirit continues-I can hear her whistling and singing away as she does her subtraction.

Part of today will be spent on trawling the Internet and my cooking books for the perfect valentines day dinner. It makes it hard when I am a vegetarian and my husband is not but I am determined to come up with something gorgeous. We celebrate Shabbat on a Friday night so it will mean spending two nights cooking big meals. We are not Jewish however after reading this article from Above Rubies I became so inspired to make this beautiful tradition a part of our week.

My plans for the rest of the day include organising our wardrobe, doing some mending and doing some baking for our home school art session that we do jointly with some friends. I am about to start making a big pot of minestrone soup for lunch as we haven't had soup for so long as it is been far too hot! I am enjoying our faux winter break :)

Dresses and skirts

I have always loved skirts and loathed pants. I can't ever remember a period of time in my life where I have preferred pants and since I was about 16 I have only worn pants when I have been exercising. It was never a modesty or biblical decision since I have only been a christian for four years, instead I wore them because I always felt more feminine in them. What a surprise it was to me then when my daughter aged about four began to refuse to wear skirts or dresses and so I let her wear what she wanted (which were 3/4 length shorts) except for Church where I was adamant she would wear a skirt or a dress.

I don't feel beautiful waking up in the morning and putting on a pair of jeans but a dress or skirt and blouse is another matter. So a few months ago I decided to talk my daughter into wearing long dresses or skirts for just a few days a week to see if there would be any change in her demeanour. In just a few short days it became obvious that there certainly was! In a long skirt or dress she is more softly spoken, she is more graceful and sweet and most of all she is more inclined to partake in activities of a feminine nature (e.g knitting and sewing). She has received so many compliments from people exclaiming what a lovely young girl she has which has only boosted her self esteem and made her feel more lovely too. It has been many months since she has wanted to wear a pair of shorts.

I have heard time after time that girls cannot 'properly' partake in outdoor activities in a long skirt so I think I would have proved them wrong yesterday when Aviva and I dug a large part of the garden over. In fact I never had to worry about bending over and having my underwear shop at my waistband because as a whole that is not an issue with dresses and I find skirts sit higher than pants. I have also heard the argument that loose pants are as modest as dresses and skirts and OK but do they make you feel as feminine? My daughter and I both get up and put on a dress and then put a ribbon to match in our hair. I know then that we are ready to go anywhere-from a morning at home, to the library or even a church meeting.

The best-dressed woman is one whose clothes wouldn't look too strange in the country. ~Hardy Amies

Baby Ruby-Rose

My sister told me the other day that Ozcan and I definitely qualify as Ruby-Rose's second parents. The joy she brings to our lives cannot be put into words.

Sometimes I think people look on in pity as they know how much I long to have another baby of my own but I could not be happier for my sister. Like myself she was told another baby was near impossible but God is so good and so faithful. When I start to think all hope is lost I know that because I have him then it it never is. Nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible for God.

God has not only blessed my sister with a baby but he has truly blessed my husband and I as well.

As long as there are homes

So long as there are homes to which men turn at close of day
So long as there are homes where children are and women stay
If love and loyalty and faith be found across these sills
A stricken nation can recover from it's gravest ills

So long as there are homes where fires burn, and there is bread
So long as there are homes where lamps are lit and prayers are said
Although a people falter through the dark and nations grope
With God Himself back of these little homes, we have sure hope.

Grace Crowell

Back to school picnic

A wonderful start to the year, a river side picnic with many home school families. It was a beautiful day full of sunshine, watermelon and children laughing. Lots of talking with old friends and some new ones, sneaking cuddles and admiration for babies born over the summer break. A lovely start to the official beginning of the home school year. I caught up with two friends of mine who have had babies two weeks apart, welcome to the world baby Phoenix and Levi.

Learning to sew

When I got married a year ago I didn't know how to garden ,sew or knit. Late last year I learnt the basics of knitting and since then I knitted a scarf (although not particularly well) and have now progressed to knitting a little hat for my next baby. And the knitting has been OK really, although slow it is quite basic. Sewing for me is another matter however.



In the last year I have sewed a pair of curtains for my kitchen, I have finished 3/4 of an ankle length skirt and last night I sewed my first apron which I managed to do without a pattern which made it all the more of a surprise when it turned out a success! for many people an apron would be nothing, something they could whip up in less than an hour but for me it was so exciting. This morning I am going to sit down with my daughter and show her how to make and sew some head coverings which are very basic.



Whilst I was sewing I started thinking about all the other mending jobs,preserving and gardening I have to do today and starting wondering just how women who work have the time to get anything done. And then I remembered that just a few short years ago I was that woman. If a shirt lost a button I would throw it away, gardening to me was just a way to ruin my manicure and baking was something only to be done on special occasions.



And now baking bread is something to be done on a daily basis and something I find great joy in doing, the garden appears to be my second home and the sewing is slowly, slowly getting there. Hopefully by this time next year I will be even making clothes for my daughter and myself.