The last few days I have not been able to write at all. I really wanted to share my heart but words just eluded me. My heart was so full yet so empty at the same time. I avoided the phone and just let it ring and ring because I couldn't quite deal with reassuring people that I was OK when actually I felt like my world had been ripped away.
How satan tries to just get in there and kick us while we are down, I experienced horrific dreams and little seeds of lies started growing in my mind about our Church and I am ashamed to admit but God as well. The more I entertained these thoughts the more they tormented me and the more depressed I became.
I know I am not the only woman (by a long shot) to experience this loss but somehow without my Husband here to support and help me I began to feel very alone. Until yesterday when I women I know from my church rung me and offered me some produce from her wonderful garden, we got talking and I told her about my miscarriage and Husband. When she arrived she told me the story of her own miscarriage at fourteen weeks, the grief and sadness apparent in her eyes. This women would be at least sixty and it was many years since her precious baby left for heaven and it was then I got it. I am not alone.
When she left I put away the produce and I found this one rose carefully wrapped in cellophane. Over the last week I have received about three large bouquets of flowers but none touched as much as this singular rose, it brought tears to my eyes in fact. That one flower meant so much to me. I could see God's love shining right through this women, and I will always be grateful that God sent that women to show me that no matter how bad I feel, he is still there.
“ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts those in any trouble, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
(2 Cor. 1:3-5)
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