Starting again

Starting again all seems so hard and scary really, while I am not giving up hope that my husband will return one day (even though he is adamant he never will) I need to accept that it will be in God's time and not my own.I am very glad that in my country they wont even think about letting you get a divorce until you have been separated for two years.

I have to say that one of my worst fears is putting my daughter into public education and I pray that for as long as I can I will be able to continue to home school her. However I also need to start thinking about finances and so with that in mind I have decided to finish my social work degree which I can do extramurally (at home) while continuing to home school my daughter. And by the time I have finished then hopefully either my husband will have returned or I will be able to afford to send my daughter to a tiny, wonderful independent Christian school close by while I work.

My other big goal is to lose weight and get in shape. Over the last few years I have gained too much weight and am very unfit! I struggle really to walk up hills and for a 25 year old that really is quite unacceptable. Last year I was beginning training to do a marathon but when I got sick and spent all that time in hospital it just went by the wayside, it is scary how fast my fitness has declined and how quickly the weight piled on. Because I lost lots of blood with my miscarriage I need to take it easy to begin with, but I am hoping that before long I'll be running up those hills again!

It has also come to my attention how much simple carbohydrates I have been eating :( And while I am not embarking on some super strict diet I will be cutting out all the whites (white bread, white rice etc) and cutting way, way back on the sugar and saturated fats (shouldn't be too hard for a vegetarian except I LOVE cheese). I am reading a book on Super foods at the moment and am very impressed with how little changes like adding a few tablespoons of wheatgerm and ground flax seeds to your oatmeal can make a huge difference.

And while the thought of not being Mrs Bonnie K...... any longer still makes me feel sick I no longer feel like like I'm absolutely drowning in grief with no way out. I see a light at the end of the tunnel and even though it is dim and far away I still know that it's there.