The value of life

Our society seems to put such a small value on life sometimes, I know this should be obvious from the abortion rate but still it continues to shock me. I have had a few people say to me after my miscarriage that "Maybe it's for the best since your husband is not round"

What??????

When did it become perfectly fine to say that to someone? I honestly feel like writing a book called ' Things not to say to someone after a miscarriage' which will include chapters named 'Maybe it was all the stress you were under' and 'Now you can move on with your life'. I feel like screaming at these people that my baby was wanted, precious and above all very,very loved. I had chosen the Turkish name Sevilin which means beloved. I doubt any word could more accurately describe my baby. To make out that my life is better off without him rips my heart out. I know that in their own way these people mean the best and their intentions are not to hurt but I still wish they would think before they speak.


I came across this blog a while ago and it is so beautiful and precious I had to share it . It is the story of Myah and her baby Faith who has anencephaly, most babies with this condition are aborted but Myah although she is young and unmarried kept her darling daughter and now she is 32 days old!! How precious each day of Faith's is and it breaks my heart that so many mothers have missed out because their Doctors told them that terminating the pregnancy was the best option. I hope that you can look at Myah's blog and uphold her and Faith in prayer.

Never alone

The last few days I have not been able to write at all. I really wanted to share my heart but words just eluded me. My heart was so full yet so empty at the same time. I avoided the phone and just let it ring and ring because I couldn't quite deal with reassuring people that I was OK when actually I felt like my world had been ripped away.

How satan tries to just get in there and kick us while we are down, I experienced horrific dreams and little seeds of lies started growing in my mind about our Church and I am ashamed to admit but God as well. The more I entertained these thoughts the more they tormented me and the more depressed I became.

I know I am not the only woman (by a long shot) to experience this loss but somehow without my Husband here to support and help me I began to feel very alone. Until yesterday when I women I know from my church rung me and offered me some produce from her wonderful garden, we got talking and I told her about my miscarriage and Husband. When she arrived she told me the story of her own miscarriage at fourteen weeks, the grief and sadness apparent in her eyes. This women would be at least sixty and it was many years since her precious baby left for heaven and it was then I got it. I am not alone.

When she left I put away the produce and I found this one rose carefully wrapped in cellophane. Over the last week I have received about three large bouquets of flowers but none touched as much as this singular rose, it brought tears to my eyes in fact. That one flower meant so much to me. I could see God's love shining right through this women, and I will always be grateful that God sent that women to show me that no matter how bad I feel, he is still there.

“ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts those in any trouble, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

(2 Cor. 1:3-5)

Heavens Nursery

I found this poem a while ago on the Above Rubies website. Little did I know how much meaning it would come to have to me, It is beautiful so thought I would share it here.

HEAVEN'S NURSERY

In Heaven there must surely be

A special place, a nursery

Where 'little spirits' not fully grown

Go to live in their Heavenly home.

The angels must attend with love

Tiny spirits on wings of doves,

The choir of angels must sing lullabies

Maybe quieten their tiny cries.

The Father must come by each day

To cuddle and play in a special way

These tiny spirits left earth too soon

Little ones called Home from the womb.

These sparks of life did not perish

But came to the Father's love to cherish,

To grow and be taught in His own arms

Safely away from all earthly harm.

The comforter was sent to earth at once

To the parents who lost their little one

Their hearts so ache, their arms feel empty

The question 'why' seems so tempting.

Then all at once in the midst of tears

There comes a peace that stills the fears

The parents share the Father's own need

To hold their tiny spirit being.

They relinquish their own desperate hold

And release their baby to the Father's fold,

Then comes an angel to whisper the truth

Of a nursery in Heaven bearing rich fruit

Of tiny spirits chosen to worship the Father

A place that couldn't be filled by another,

Called to be spared from the struggles of earth,

Chosen to be one of Heaven's births.

So Father, whisper words of love from me

To our unborn 'life' in your nursery.

No words to express

This will just be a short post because really I just can't find the words to express how I feel.

I have had some slight bleeding over the last few days and I wasn't really concerned as I had no cramping at all. I rang my midwife two days ago and she organised for a scan yesterday which I went to thinking nothing would be wrong. However the sonographer could find no heartbeart and told me he was 99% sure that I would go on to have a miscarriage that night, and as it turns out he was right.

Because It was slightly later than normal my midwife told me it would be best for me to go and get a dilatation and curratage which I am still praying I will not have to undergo.

It is so hard for me to understand how I could lose my husband and baby all in one month. But I know Jesus is here holding my hand and no matter how hard it gets he will never, ever let go.